im not the girl you want in the end
cause im a little bit indecisive with my plans

i got myself locked in a room, and swallowed my own key.
its safe to say you can blame this on me

and all the good deeds, your running short of breath.
ill be your wakeup call, from the nightmares you cant stop.
ill keep you in good conditions, feelings so rare theyll be pulled right out of my hands
be careful, to chain these wondering thoughts, watching hands spin off the clocks

this worl would be haunted without you
its less than home, chasing down my shadow
tracing back my steps, digging through my thoughts till theres nothing left

ill stick my skin to your bones
nerves get so close i almost hear your thoughts

its tight in my chest, before you were alive the motions were set in stone.
everyone could use a little time alone

the embers float of the fire like rising stars, to faded lights like speeding cars

its been a year and counting, since you cheated me out of the life that i wanted so badly
burning all the roads weve made to make it out of this place, so theyll notice when we disappear
reach for the stars and hit the stratosphere

ive got a couple ties content that way, hold me down its the reason i stay, theres a price for every string you break.
not so quick to give but you easily take

id rather see you go down like a demolition than force you to listen
once in a while everyones good for a slow song

so tie up your shoes like a noose, were on our way to loosing feeling

could you briefly explain the situation to me, i cant feel anything

song

what goes in one ear and out the other
nobody listens when they talk to each other
start a bar fight the man is christian
nobody cares about another guys religion
nobody listens to opinions
the second time around

one man got up from a punch to the face
said god wont forget to put you in your place
i dont give a rats ass because Buddha is the only one who talks back
does god give feedback

what goes in one ear and out the other
nobody listens when they talk to each other
start a bar fight the man is christian
nobody cares about another guys religion
nobody listens to opinions
the second time around


so that night the man wrote a note to god
because getting on his knees never got him very far
he thought maybe one day he would get an answer back
he was laying on his deathbed
and nobody knows what happened after that

story

I was holding my ears and eyes shut rather tightly to block out the yelling, and the next thing i know a sharp pain sent a shock through my face and i lost grip of my ears. I am fairly good at tuning people out, even at the loudest of times. At that point my cheek was throbbing and i felt it gradually swelling up. His voice was coarse, and his words were impudent, but despite all of that i stayed where i was. I stayed where i was because sometimes there are people you cannot stand up to.

i walked home alone again, exhausted. sometimes on those walks i would see shadows, the shadows of trees, staring at me. The thing about shadows is they have no thoughts and no thoughts means no judgment.

By the time i step in the door my dad is already waist deep in his bottle of brandy and his head flopping over the back of the couch. It amazes me how he can keep his drink in his hand and completely upright while the rest of his body is sprawled in different directions. I turn off the tv and take an educated guess that he will wake up and make it to his bed sometime around 2am. I sneak by so i don't wake him on my way to the kitchen. The floor creaks a little bit, and the freezer always makes this awful noise like someone tearing wax off of bare skin every time it is opened. i grad some ice cubes and drop them in a plastic baggie. The second i press it to my face the pain comes back again. I make my way upstairs and crawl into my bed. Its quiet now.



Everyone hates something about themselves at one point during the day. it takes no notice by others, because things like that don't show on the surface. The problem is that most people just over look each other, while my problem is the result of over analyzing and not giving people the chance to analyze me. I have a lot of little secrets, mostly because i don't think about them, also because i don't really feel that my problems are anyone else's burden nor their business. Some of my acquaintances may say that is what makes me dull. I think that is what gives me character.

maddies birthday sanngg

things may have changed from getting stoned in your room

to all types of pills that we seemed to over do

id get stuck at the bottom when youd find the top

but youd throw out your hand and drag my ass up

id do the same for you

things blowing smoke in the clouds

shit hit the fan but your still around

and i was away for awhile

youd cut up my jeans, id lock the door to your room

kicking holes through the wall, can barely wake up for school

but your the only one i know whos worth fighting with

ill drag your ass right out of this shit hole we dug ourselves

forget to put your cigarette out

things blowing smoke in the clouds

shit hit the fan but your still around

and i was away for awhile

ill drag your ass right out of this shit hole we dug ourselves

forget to put your cigarette out and do your dishes yourself

i never run out of reasons to yell.

i was wondering where your mind has been cause i just cant keep track

ill take a note from every page but you forgot to write me back

momma wont you just come home

cause ive got something nice to say

but you just dont say anything at all